balled fists and bruised lips

a completely contradictory statement. if you're like most people, you find comfort in familiar things, typically things you are able to have control over. one thing you will NEVER have control over? the weather. where I am, it is snowing like hell. first, some innocent flurries for about a half an hour, nothing too crazy. but its been 2 hours now and mother nature is on a ROLL. I feel like the lofi study beats girl, doing my research homework (on the weekend before exams, mind you...wtf.) while the snow comes softly down to kiss the hard, cold ground. in a few hours I will be at a party surrounded by my lovely beautiful friends I have known for 3+ years. the party will be bumping and I will not, by any means, make a fool of myself. I am never a fool for living and loving and trying and crying and dancing and singing and breathing and dying. my neurons rattle inside, transmitting "what if" into my perception; I stop them, they must rest. wheezing and coughing and rattling and splattering and bursting and bubbling and frying and dying, my brain plays a beautiful symphony of worries, echoing through the holy walls and desecrating my inner peace. no more, will you suck me dry. my flowers rot, yes, as all things do eventually. but they will not die alone, no. peace and peace and peace and more peace is all I am giving and receiving too. forgetting my superstitions assumptions conditions and loving just loving and trying. in the end, that is all I can do, no? shaky hands typing and a fast, pacing heart signify which of the following a) nerves b) excitement c) anger d) you are alive youre alive this is your life 4,000 weeks crying laughing loving lying is all you get nothing nothing at all is certain but this. hands stop shaking. heartbeat slows. you're alive.